Hindi kita mahanap
Gusto ko lang naman
Makita ka kahit huli na
Kahit hindi na pwede
Kahit hindi na ako
Gusto ko lang mayakap ka
Gusto kong titigan ka sa mata
At sabihin ko sayo’ng mahal kita.
Dadaan ang maraming taon
Alam kong malilimot mo
Ang dati, ang ako
Kaya hihilingin ko lang
Kahit huli na
Kahit hindi na pwede
Kahit hindi na talaga ako
Sana hayaan mong
Baunin ko sa paglayo
Ang init ng yakap mo
At ang tila magkaulayaw na tibok ng ating mga puso.
We are each our own devil, and we make this world our hell” Oscar Wilde
—Season 7, Episode 19, ‘Heathridge Manor’ - spoken by Prentiss (via criminalmindsquotes)
Worse than telling a lie is spending your whole life staying true to a lie.” Robert Brault
—Season 7, Episode 20, ’ The Company’ - spoken by Morgan (via criminalmindsquotes)
Journalist William D. Tammeus wrote, “You don’t really understand human nature unless you know why a child on a merry-go-round will wave at his parents every time around and why his parents will always wave back.
—Criminal Minds, S05E05
My Dearest _,
It is weird that I don’t even know how to start this [letter]. Usually, the right words just come to me when I need them. I guess this isn’t one of those times.
I wrote because I want to know how I really feel for you, if there’s still any. I have been too afraid to face reality. Every time I try to take a step forward, you either appear in my dreams as a constant reminder of what ‘used to be’ or you appear in reality to fuck things up and mess all I’ve worked for to forget you. It sucks when I thought I’ve made progress but I might actually haven’t - not even a bit. It sucks even more that I have to accept this fact - because I hate losing and I hate losing myself for someone who, I think, isn’t even worth it. I hate it that people around me may be right - that I’m weak. I’m too weak to move on. You see, people tell me that being able to forgive and move on is a trait of the strong. [And] since I can’t accept the fact that you’re not supposed to be relevant or significant, I guess I’m not strong as I thought I was. In fact, I’m not strong at all. I’m weak. When you hurt me, I started pushing people away - afraid that they, too, would hurt me. I don’t want to give them the upper hand. I don’t want to take a chance and let another you break me. If someone who was so nice and dreamy could do that, how would I know someone less wouldn’t?
I heard once that maybe people hold on to the pain because that’s all they have left. I keep on holding on to the pain because it’s all I have left of us. I don’t have you. I’m stuck with whatever it is that reminds me of you. I don’t normally attach myself that easily to people. You were an exception. I opened my heart to you and you chose to break it. I guess that’s the reason why I’m never going to let anybody in that easily again. I just can’t risk it.
I guess I have my answer now. Well, I’ll be damned but I think I love you. I guess I still do. [But] I have to think about myself first. I don’t want to let myself feel small just because you made me feel like that.
I love you but I don’t want to anymore.
I have held on to the pain for a long time. I don’t want to be weak anymore. I know it’s not going to be easy but, believe me, I will get there. I know I have to. I know I can.